Take My Hand
by Brandy
Summary: Songfic using the lyrics from Dido's song to espress an inner plea from Donna to Josh.


Take My Hand  
  
By Brandy  
  
Authors Notes: This is a song-fic that got in my head when I heard Dido's song "Take My Hand". It's a stand-alone that is from Donna's POV, sort of an inner plea.  
  
Disclaimers: Not mine, and I'm struggling to accept the fact…*sigh*  
  
Dido's song "Take My Hand" can be found on her CD "No Angel" on Arista Records  
  
It belongs to her and Arista  
  
Feedback: Is always appreciated, read and acknowledged. It also makes me really happy.  
  
Special thanks to Shelley- she knows why.  
  
This and many others can be found at my and Shelley's site;  
  
Smiles, Tears & Happy Endings  
  
http://www.fortunecity.com/skyscraper/ram/690/index.htm  
  
  
  
  
  
Take My Hand  
  
  
  
"touch my skin and tell me what you're thinking, take my hand and show me where we're going…"  
  
Josh and I have this connection. It's why we work so well together. I'm tuned to him, and he, in his own special way, is tuned to me. Well, he's not tuned to me exactly the way I am to him, because I see things he doesn't want me to see. and he isn't quite as intuitive as I am. Sometimes I'm eternally grateful for that fact, but there are times that I wish he would just look at me- really look at me and see what's in my heart and tell me what's in his. I usually stamp that wistful notion under the heel of harsh practicality, but there are times…  
  
" lie down next to me, look into my eyes and tell me, oh tell me what you're seeing"  
  
There have been times when I thought he saw everything that I was feeling. There were moments after he was shot, when he was at home, recovering that I thought he could see straight into my heart. There was this one day, when he had been really restless and agitated all day , feeling out of touch and isolated . So, I told him that Sam could come by for a little while. Sam had really wanted to visit for awhile, and since he was the least argumentative of any of them when it came to "the rules" , I figured he was a harmless diversion. I never anticipated that their conversation would take the turn it did.  
  
Once Sam arrived, I took the opportunity to run several errands that had been piling up. I was in and out of Josh's apartment all during Sam's visit. I had gotten in the habit of moving around Josh's apartment rather quietly during the beginning of his convalescence, and for whatever reason never got out of the habit. Because of my rather stealthy skill, neither Sam nor Josh realized I was back when I became the subject of their conversation.  
  
" So, how are you and Donna getting along?" Sam asked.  
  
" Good… well most of the time , anyway. I never knew what an iron-fisted little dictator she could be. It's always- 'Take your medicine ,Josh …Do your exercises, Josh…Stop yelling at the stupid republican on TV- he can't hear you and it's only making your blood pressure go up'. We won't even mention the idea of her bringing me stuff from the office to work on."  
  
'That's right- we won't mention that again, and I'll think of a suitable punishment for that bad imitation of me…when you're better', I thought.  
  
" You're still recuperating , Josh. She's just looking out for you", Sam replied.  
  
'Good boy, Sam.' I silently applauded.  
  
" That's easy for you to say. It's not you that she's bossing around. It's totally blown our whole boss/assistant power balance thing."  
  
Even though he was putting up a good show of complaining, I could tell it was just Josh being Josh, and I think Sam knew it too.  
  
" I think that balance has been tipped in her favor since the day she started working for you", Sam said, and I could hear the laughter in his voice.  
  
" Yeah. Well…you might be right about that. I gotta' tell you - I don't know what I would have done without her these last few weeks. In fact, I don't know what I would do without her-period."  
  
I couldn't help but get a little choked up at hearing that. This was the type of stuff I would never hear directly from him, not unless it was covered in banter and jokes. That just wasn't our way.  
  
" I get the impression that the feeling is pretty mutual."  
  
" What do you mean by that?"  
  
' Yes, Sam- what do you mean by that?' I thought frantically.  
  
" Oh, man- you mean no one ever told you?"  
  
" Told me what?" Josh asked, starting to get a little impatient.  
  
" I'm not sure we should…I mean, maybe it would be better not to talk about it."  
  
" Okay, Sam - now you've got to tell me."  
  
" Donna might not want me to tell you."  
  
" Well, she's not here to stop you now, is she? So, spill it."  
  
" Okay. I just thought …the night that you… that night at the hospital. She never left. Not once. From the moment Toby told her what had happened, it was like she was holding her breath- waiting for her world to return to normal. If everyone hadn't already been so worried about you, we probably would have paid more attention to her that night. I guess it's a good thing that Mrs. Bartlet didn't have more to worry about with the President, because she was the one who finally noticed how Donna looked. She took her aside and talked to her, and then…"  
  
" Then what?" Josh asked impatiently.  
  
" Well…she took Donna to the observation area, just outside the operating room."  
  
" She did what?" Josh exclaimed, and on hearing that I was just about ready to make my presence known, but Sam's next words stopped me.  
  
" It made her feel better, Josh", Sam stated firmly.  
  
" I don't see how allowing her to see something like that could possibly be good for her", Josh all but growled out.  
  
" It was. I heard Mrs. Bartlet tell Leo that it made her feel like she was doing something for you-keeping watch over you. It was less excruciating than the great unknown of waiting."  
  
I made a promise to myself then and there to find a way to thank the First Lady for giving me that gift that night. She was absolutely right. That was exactly how I had felt, and I knew they would have never allowed it had it not been for her.  
  
" She never mentioned it", Josh replied, sounding kind of stunned.  
  
'And I never will', I thought.  
  
" I seriously doubt she'll ever mention it, but it's the truth."  
  
Sam changed the subject then, and they began to talk about other things- safer things. After a few moments I walked back towards the living room and made enough noise that it was obvious I had returned. Sam left not too long after that, and Josh never mentioned what he and Sam had discussed- but every once in awhile he had this indescribable look on his face. It was almost as if he was seeing me in a very different way.  
  
  
  
After Josh was physically healed and back, at work we tried to fall into our old familiar patterns , and for the most part it worked. It wasn't the same though, and we both knew it. The essential timing was off, and it wasn't as carefree and easy as it had once been . We had both been given glimpses of something that we weren't quite sure how to deal with and it had thrown us a little. Added to that, Josh had his own private emotional storm brewing. At the time, I wondered if he would survive the full onslaught of that storm, to come out whole again. He did, but it marked another shift in the suddenly changing tide of our relationship. I began to look for new ways to make it work, but none of them were quite right. For either of us., and I began to worry that the way I felt about him was starting to show, and that he was burdened by that knowledge.  
  
' see my eyes, they carry your reflection, watch my lips and hear the words I'm telling you-  
  
give your trust to me and look into my heart and show me, show me what you're doing…'  
  
At that point, I thought that the best thing I could do for Josh was to show him that all of life's pleasures were still out there waiting for him. He needed to share those pleasures with someone though. I saw it as my mission to help him achieve this goal, even if it did rip my heart into tiny shreds to think of him enjoying all those things with someone else. Given his job, and the limited opportunity for non-business socializing, I had a hard time achieving this goal. Then fate dropped Joey Lucas in our laps again. So I thought, 'This is my opportunity', and renewed my quest to pair Josh with someone with whom he could share all those pleasures life had to offer. Of course, Josh being Josh- he questioned my infinite wisdom and remained stubbornly uncooperative.  
  
'so sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling, what you feel now is what I feel for you…'  
  
April rolled around and the inevitable snarking took place. I refer, of course, to Josh's unwillingness to read a calendar correctly, and to mark an occasion almost two months after the real occasion. This year it irritated me more than usual, so after some reflection, I decided to tell him about the car accident and the thoughtless boyfriend and crucial fact that I had been the one to do the leaving. The life I have now was not a second choice, it was the best choice. I knew that, and he needed to know it as well. I expected him to make some remark about my atrocious taste in men or the utter worthlessness of my ex-boyfriend, and for a moment he started down that road, then he said something. It was something that on the surface wasn't that big of a deal- but in the world of complicated subtleties with which we speak to each other, it was quite something. He said, " If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for a beer." As I said, on the surface, not that big of a deal, but when you couple that with his expression as his eyes held mine- it spoke volumes. Realizing that this was one of those moments that he needed to hear how I really felt too, I responded, " If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights".  
  
Of course, recalling Sam's conversation with him last year, he already knew that. I also knew that he needed to hear it from me, and just in case he was wondering, I told him the flowers were beautiful, and they were. Then I left, pretty secure in the knowledge that for that one brief moment, we had seen each other with absolute clarity. What would happen next…would depend on us and fate, I guess.  
  
' touch my skin and tell me what you're thinking, take my hand and show me where we're going  
  
lie down next to me, look into my eyes and tell me, oh tell me what you're seeing  
  
so sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling, what you feel now is what I feel for you'  
  
The End 


End file.
